every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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