You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
