Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
