Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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