he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
