Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
