just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
