Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
