Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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