Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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