1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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