somebody snuck up and got me drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
