I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
