toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize