and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
