I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's Friday. Sex?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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