I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girls should come with a carfax report
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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