Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
