Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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