Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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