You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
