Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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