we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
