Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
