like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
