his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
