he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
