..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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