I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The adults are the big ones right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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