He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
