My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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