just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
