good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
