Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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