Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
