I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
