He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
