so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
