so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Someone came in the potted fern
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
