About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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