Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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