I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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