her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize