Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
