i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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