Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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