I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
