did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize