you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize