I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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