i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
