just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
