Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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