I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
