a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
