if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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