Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
