You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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