he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
