i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
